4 Sneaky Behaviors That Are Hurting Your Relationship (And What to Do Instead)
Let’s be honest—relationships can be amazing, but they’re not always smooth sailing. Even in the best partnerships, little habits can sneak in and slowly chip away at connection, trust, and communication. And the wild part? A lot of these behaviors feel normal or “not a big deal” at first.
But the truth is, even low-key toxic habits can build up over time if we don’t check them.
So before you point fingers at your partner (tempting, we know), let’s take a look in the mirror. Here are 4 common behaviors that might be hurting your relationship—and simple ways to turn things around.
1. 🚫 Blaming —> ✅ Practicing Humility
Ever catch yourself saying, “This is all your fault” or “If you just did [insert thing], we wouldn’t be fighting right now”?
Blaming is a fast track to defensiveness, resentment, and circular arguments. It puts your partner on the defense and puts you in a power struggle—where no one wins.
Try This Instead:
Take a deep breath before reacting.
Ask yourself: What’s my part in this?
Say something like:
“I know I might have contributed to this too. Can we figure it out together?”
That shift from blame to shared responsibility can instantly diffuse tension and build emotional safety.
2. 🚫 Complaining —> ✅ Making Clear Requests
Constant low-key complaints like “Ugh, you never help with the dishes” or “Why do I always have to remind you?” might feel like harmless venting—but over time, they sound like background noise your partner tunes out.
Worse, it can create a cycle where your partner feels nagged, unappreciated, or annoyed.
Try This Instead:
Turn the complaint into a clear, respectful request.
💬 Instead of:
“You never take the trash out!”
💡 Say:
“Hey, could you take the trash out when it gets full? I’ve noticed it’s been overflowing lately, and it would really help me out.”
Being direct and kind = better communication, less drama.
3. 🚫 Dismissing Bids —> ✅ Responding with Intention
Ever ignore your partner when they say, “You won’t believe what happened today,” or brush off a sigh or a lingering touch?
That’s called missing a bid for connection—and it matters more than you think.
Dr. John Gottman (aka the king of relationship science) found that couples who consistently turn toward each other’s bids have way higher satisfaction in their relationships.
Try This Instead:
Be intentional. When your partner tries to connect—respond with curiosity, not indifference.
👎 Don’t say:
“Stop sighing so much, it’s annoying.”
👍 Say:
“You okay? Want to talk about it?”
These small moments of connection add up—and they can make or break how seen, heard, and loved your partner feels.
4. 🚫 Criticism —> ✅ Appreciation & Gentle Feedback
Criticism isn’t just pointing out flaws—it’s often laced with judgment about who your partner is.
Example:
“You’re so lazy. You never do anything around here.”
Oof. That hits harder than we realize. Repeated criticism can make your partner feel like they’re never good enough—and can push them to either shut down or snap back.
Try This Instead:
Start by noticing what your partner does right.
Practice appreciation daily—even for small things.
When something does need to be addressed, focus on behaviors, not character.
💡 Try:
“I really appreciate how hard you’ve been working lately. Could we talk about how to divide chores better?”
See the difference? Same concern, way less hostility.
Want a Healthier Relationship? Start With You.
Here’s the truth: You can’t control your partner—but you can control how you show up. And when you ditch blame, complaints, criticism, and emotional disconnection for self-awareness, kind communication, and intentional connection?
You create space for real growth and lasting love.
Let’s Recap:
Blaming? Own your role and invite teamwork.
Complaining? Make kind, clear requests.
Ignoring bids? Respond with care and attention.
Criticizing? Lead with appreciation and gentle feedback.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present, intentional, and kind—even when it’s hard.