5 Proven Ways to Keep Sex Alive in Marriage
Sex in marriage doesn’t have to fade with time. Despite what movies or memes may suggest, it’s entirely possible to keep the passion alive—and even grow it—over the years. Research shows that many couples actually maintain (or regain) satisfying sex lives long after the honeymoon phase ends.
So what sets those couples apart?
A recent study of 39,000 people in long-term relationships found five key factors that help keep sexual passion thriving in marriage. If you’re looking to strengthen your sexual connection and avoid falling into the “roommate” rut, here are five evidence-based ways to make it happen.
1. Set the Mood (Yes, Still!)
Even if you’ve been together for years, mood matters. Creating space for desire doesn’t have to be complicated—it just needs to be intentional.
Try sending a playful or flirty text during the day. Kiss a little longer before bed. Take a spontaneous weekend away. Turn off your phones. Light a candle. Put on music. Slow things down. Whether it’s through thoughtful gestures or sensory experiences, setting the stage helps spark anticipation, which is essential for intimacy.
💡 Try this: Send your partner a “can’t wait to see you later” text today—then follow through with a warm, intentional kiss tonight.
2. Mix Things Up (Because Variety = Vitality)
Let’s face it: routine can be a relationship killer. A predictable pattern in the bedroom can cause desire to fizzle. That doesn’t mean you need to reinvent everything—but introducing a little variety can go a long way.
Consider trying:
New positions
Sensual massage
Wearing something different to bed
Sharing a fantasy
Exploring extended foreplay
The key is mutual consent and curiosity. Talk with your partner about what you’re both open to, then experiment together.
💡 Try this: Pick a highly rated (and research-backed) book to read together like The Sex-Starved Marriage or Knowing Her Intimately and use it to spark new conversations—and actions.
3. Talk About It (Even If It Feels Awkward)
You don’t need to talk about sex all the time—but talking about it some of the time can make a huge difference.
Discuss what you like, what you wish for, what’s working, and what feels off. Check in about how often you each want sex, and what makes you feel most connected. Research shows it’s not the type of communication (verbal vs. non-verbal) that matters most—it’s whether both partners are satisfied with how communication is happening.
💡 Try this: Ask your partner, “Is there anything you’ve been wanting to try or talk about that we haven’t yet?” Then listen with openness and no judgment.
4. Turn Toward Each Other—Not Just Inward
Great sex in marriage isn’t just about what you get out of it. In fact, research suggests that focusing on your partner’s experience—what turns them on, what helps them relax, what makes them feel loved—actually increases pleasure for both of you.
It’s a little ironic, but true: the more you care about their enjoyment, the more enjoyable it becomes for you, too.
💡 Try this: During your next intimate moment, ask your partner: “What would make this even better for you right now?”
5. Be Intentional (Because Life Gets Busy)
Work. Kids. Groceries. Streaming. Sleep. It’s easy for sex to take a backseat—sometimes unintentionally. That’s why intentionality is essential.
Don’t wait for desire to magically appear. Instead, make time. Schedule date nights. Say “no” to distractions. Prioritize physical and emotional closeness. You don’t need to be spontaneous all the time—sometimes the best sex happens when it's planned.
💡 Try this: Set aside 20 minutes this week—no TV, no scrolling, no chores—just to connect. Whether you end up kissing, cuddling, or more, it matters.
Final Thought: Sex in Marriage Can Get Better
Long-term sexual satisfaction isn’t a myth—it’s a practice. And like any practice, it takes curiosity, care, and consistent effort. When you commit to setting the mood, mixing things up, communicating openly, focusing on each other, and being intentional, you’re not just keeping sex alive in your marriage—you’re helping it thrive.