Why Talking About Sex Can Actually Make Your Relationship Stronger
Let’s be real—talking about sex with your partner can feel awkward. Even if you've been together for years, you might still hesitate to say, "Hey, I really liked that," or "Can we try something different next time?"
But here's the truth: sharing your sexual preferences openly and kindly can actually improve your relationship—both in and out of the bedroom.
Think of It Like Pizza Toppings (Yes, Really)
Imagine you're invited to dinner at a friend’s house. You love pizza and salad—but they’ve loaded the pizza with fresh basil (which you secretly can’t stand), and only have Ranch dressing when you're all about Thousand Island. You smile politely, but you kind of wish you could just say, “Hey, do you have something else?”
The same thing happens in relationships. We assume our partner should just know what we like. But in reality, they’re not mind-readers. Just like your friend didn’t know you’re Team No Basil, your partner might not know that something feels off—or amazing—unless you speak up.
Why Sexual Communication Matters
Research shows that self-disclosure—sharing your likes, dislikes, feelings, and needs—is a major part of building intimacy. Therapist David Schnarch calls it an “interpersonal process” that involves being brave enough to reveal what’s really going on inside you.
When it comes to sex, this matters a lot.
Being open with your partner about what feels good (and what doesn’t) creates more emotional connection and trust. It gives your partner a window into your inner world—and it helps both of you grow more confident and connected.
Women: Your Voice Matters
Studies have found that women who are more open about their sexual preferences tend to be happier in their relationships. Why? Because speaking up creates deeper emotional intimacy and leads to better sex.
When you feel safe to express your needs, you’re more likely to feel respected, understood, and satisfied.
Men: Listening Matters More Than You Think
Interestingly, men’s sexual satisfaction didn’t increase as much when they shared their preferences—but it did go up significantly when their partner shared hers.
Translation? Men often feel more confident and connected when their partner opens up. It helps them know how to meet her needs, which in turn makes the experience better for both people.
So, guys—encouraging your partner to share (and really listening) might be the best way to improve your sex life.
Sharing is a Gift, Not a Critique
When you reveal something vulnerable—whether it’s a turn-on, a boundary, or a curious “what if we tried…”—you’re showing trust. And when you listen without judgment, you’re showing love.
Both are acts of generosity.
Yes, it takes a little courage. But the reward is worth it: a more satisfying sex life, deeper emotional connection, and a relationship where both people feel seen and valued.
How to Start the Conversation
If you're not sure how to bring up the topic, try these tips:
Pick a low-pressure moment. Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of sex. Try talking while on a walk or cuddling on the couch.
Use curiosity, not criticism. Start with, “I’ve been thinking…” or “Would you be open to trying…?” rather than “You never…” or “I hate when…”
Celebrate the good stuff. Let your partner know what is working—it makes it easier to talk about changes you’d like.
Better Sex, Stronger Connection
Being open about what you want—and inviting your partner to do the same—can transform your relationship. You’ll build trust, strengthen your bond, and improve your sex life.
Bottom line? Great sex isn’t just about chemistry. It’s about communication.
So don’t wait for your partner to guess. Speak up, listen well, and grow closer—one honest conversation at a time.