Can We Heal After Abuse? How to Move Forward in a Relationship After Abuse
Let’s get real: abuse is never okay. Whether it’s physical, emotional, financial, or sexual—no one deserves to feel unsafe in a relationship. But what happens if both partners want to heal and move forward?
It’s a complicated road—but for some couples, it’s possible. Healing from abuse takes time, support, accountability, and serious commitment to change. If you or someone you love is in this situation, here’s what you need to know to start the process of rebuilding trust and creating a healthy relationship.
Abuse is a Dealbreaker—But Healing is Possible (With Help)
Take the fictional example of Samantha and Josh. After five years of marriage, their relationship spiraled into physical and emotional abuse. Samantha eventually left to protect herself—but months later, Josh started intensive therapy, learned anger management skills, and began taking full responsibility for his actions. With time, boundaries, and support, they slowly began to rebuild trust.
Important note: This kind of recovery is not common—and it’s never your responsibility to “fix” an abusive partner. However, if someone truly takes accountability, gets professional help, and you feel safe exploring reconciliation, here’s how to approach that journey.
1. Start with Professional Support
Healing can’t happen without help. If abuse was part of your relationship, a licensed therapist (especially one with experience in trauma or couples recovery) should be your first call.
Why it matters:
Professionals can guide you through trauma recovery
They’ll help you recognize red flags and unhealthy patterns
Therapy gives you tools to communicate better and set real boundaries
Don't skip this step. Trying to rebuild without trained support can lead to more harm than healing.
2. Create a Safe Space to Talk
Open, honest, and respectful communication is non-negotiable. But talking about what happened can be hard—and scary.
That’s why it’s crucial to:
Choose the right time and place (somewhere private and emotionally safe)
Invite a neutral third party if needed (therapist, mediator, counselor)
Use "I" statements to express your emotions without blame (e.g., “I felt hurt when...”)
Take breaks if emotions get too intense
These are called crucial conversations—and when done right, they build trust and clarity.
3. Set Clear, Non-Negotiable Boundaries
No matter how much change your partner claims to have made, boundaries are essential.
Boundaries to consider:
No yelling, name-calling, or threats—ever
Physical safety is a top priority
Personal time and space are respected
Open communication is the standard
Ongoing therapy is non-negotiable for the partner who caused harm
Boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about protection, healing, and trust.
4. Focus on Rebuilding, Not Repeating
If you've done the hard work of therapy, had the tough conversations, and feel emotionally safe, it’s time to slowly rebuild your connection.
Start small:
Cook a meal together
Revisit a favorite date spot
Take a weekend trip to change the scenery
Try a new shared hobby (hiking, painting, yoga—you name it)
But remember: this isn’t about pretending things are “normal.” It’s about creating a new foundation based on respect, safety, and mutual growth.
5. Keep Checking In
Healing isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a long-term commitment. Regularly check in with each other about:
How safe you feel
How your communication is going
What’s been working—and what’s not
Whether outside help is still needed (hint: it usually is)
If setbacks happen (and they might), don’t ignore them. Address them early before things spiral again.
6. Know When It’s Time to Walk Away
Not every relationship can—or should—be saved. If your partner refuses to take responsibility, continues abusive behavior, or makes you feel unsafe in any way, it’s okay to leave. In fact, it's brave.
Your safety, peace, and mental health are worth protecting—always.
Resources If You're Not Ready to Rebuild
If you're in the early stages of recognizing abuse, or you're not sure if healing is possible, here are places to start:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or thehotline.org
RAINN (for sexual abuse): 1-800-656-HOPE or rainn.org
Find a Therapist: psychologytoday.com
These services are confidential, free, and always open.
Final Thoughts
Healing after abuse is one of the hardest things a couple can attempt. It requires vulnerability, accountability, therapy, and time. And it’s never your job to endure harm in hopes of change.
But if you both commit to doing the work—with the guidance of professionals and a lot of self-awareness—then rebuilding might be possible.
Just remember: your safety and peace come first. Always.