Preventing Relationship Cavities: Why You (Seriously) Need Regular Relationship Check-Ins
Let’s be real—few things strike more fear in the heart of a romantic partner than hearing, “We need to talk…” 😬
But here’s the truth: avoiding hard conversations is like skipping the dentist for years and hoping your teeth magically stay perfect. It never ends well. Just like your pearly whites, your relationship needs regular maintenance. Enter: relationship check-ins and check-ups—the adulting move your love life will thank you for.
Relationships = Health. Like, Literally.
Dr. James Córdova, a relationship researcher at Clark University, found something pretty wild: when your relationship is stressed, you’re more likely to get sick—and even age faster. Yup, that’s right. Your love life could be impacting your physical health more than you think.
But there’s good news. Dr. Córdova and his team also discovered that regular relationship check-ins (he calls them “Marriage Checkups”) help couples stay connected, prevent problems before they spiral, and boost long-term relationship satisfaction. Think of them like flossing for your relationship. Unsexy? Maybe. Worth it? Absolutely.
So What Is a Relationship Check-In?
Great question. A relationship check-in is a short but intentional convo where you pause the chaos of life and check the emotional pulse of your relationship. It’s not a fight. It’s not a performance review. It’s a moment to reconnect, share what’s working, and improve what’s not.
Try These Simple Relationship Check-In Questions:
What’s one thing I’ve done recently that made you feel loved?
What’s been stressing you out this week, and how can I support you?
Is there anything I’ve done that hurt your feelings or annoyed you?
How are we doing as a team lately—on a scale of 1 to 10?
What’s one fun thing we could plan together soon?
These questions are low-key, non-threatening, and designed to build connection (not tension). Even just 10 minutes a week can make a huge difference.
Go Deeper: Relationship Check-Ups
If you want something more structured than DIY convo starters, there are tools for that! Relationship assessments (like the RELATE questionnaire or Gottman’s Love Map exercises) offer guided insights into your relationship’s strengths and stress points.
You’ll get real feedback about areas like communication, trust, intimacy, money, and conflict—and best of all, you can use it to spark conversations that matter.
Want extra credit? Bring your results to a couples counselor or coach. Contrary to popular belief, therapists love working with couples before they’re in crisis. Think of it like seeing a personal trainer when you’re already doing okay—but want to level up.
Why This Matters in Your 20s and 30s
Let’s face it—this age range is full of transition: careers, babies, moves, mortgages, or just learning how to adult with someone else. In the midst of that chaos, your relationship can drift without either of you noticing.
Regular check-ins are your anchor. They help you stay connected, stay kind, and stay on the same page—before resentment builds or burnout hits.
And no, these conversations don’t have to be heavy. In fact, the more you practice, the less awkward they become.
How to Keep Your Relationship Sparkling
Make check-ins a habit – weekly is ideal, even if it’s short.
Use questions that invite connection, not criticism.
Try a relationship assessment for deeper insights.
Work with a pro if you want outside support—before it’s a crisis.
Think maintenance, not emergency repairs.
Just like regular brushing keeps the dentist happy, relationship check-ins keep your love life healthy, connected, and cavity-free. So go ahead—schedule that convo. And maybe even bring snacks. Everything’s better with snacks.