What You Water Grows: A Relationship Lesson from the Garden 🌱

May 20

Ever dreamed of having a picture-perfect garden?
Same. But real talk—mine is far from flawless. It's not a Pinterest fantasy, but it’s not a pile of rocks either. I show up for it—watering, weeding, pruning—because I know something simple and powerful: what you water grows.

And that truth? It doesn't just apply to plants. It applies to your relationships—especially your romantic one.

The Garden Metaphor You Didn't Know You Needed

During the early days of the COVID-19 shutdown, a lot of people discovered how therapeutic gardening and DIY projects could be. Something about being stuck at home made us crave growth—literally and emotionally.

Now, every growing season, I'm out there in the dirt. Daily watering. Catching those pesky weeds before they take over. Making sure there's sunlight, nourishment, and attention.

Because here’s the deal: Neglect invites decay. In gardens and in love.

Relationships Are Like Gardens

You don’t get a thriving marriage or relationship from a single grand gesture or the occasional deep talk. You get it from the daily choices:

A kind word.
A quick kiss.
A shared laugh.
A check-in after a long day.

Neglect it, and the weeds (resentment, miscommunication, emotional distance) start creeping in. Before long, you feel overwhelmed—and maybe even hopeless.

But here’s the good news: You have the power to turn things around. One drop of water at a time.

The 80/20 Rule of Love 💘

There’s a concept in positive psychology that applies perfectly to relationships: the 80/20 principle.

80% of your partner is amazing. It’s why you fell for them.
20%... not so much. Maybe it’s the annoying habits, the quirks, or the areas where you're just different.

The trick is in what you focus on:

🔍 Focus on the 20%, and it starts to feel like it’s everything.
🌹 Focus on the 80%, and your appreciation grows.

What you pay attention to expands. If you look for the good, you’ll find it. If you look for the flaws, they’ll become your entire view.

Can You See the Angels?

There’s a famous optical illusion by Escher—dark bats and demons catch your eye at first. But when you shift your focus to the white space, something incredible happens: You start to see angels.

Same with your partner.

When life gets stressful (hello, bills, work, kids, endless to-dos), the dark spots stand out. But if you pause, breathe, and shift your gaze, you’ll start to see the light again.

How to Reconnect When You're Drifting

Let’s be real—being around each other 24/7 (whether during a pandemic or a rough patch) can test even the strongest couples. If things feel off, here are small but powerful ways to bring back the connection:

🌱 Daily check-ins: “How are you feeling today?”
💬 Words of affirmation: Say what you appreciate—out loud.
🤝 Acts of service: A coffee, a back rub, folding laundry—these matter.
😂 Laughter: Watch a funny reel or tell a dumb joke.
💞 Physical touch: Hug longer. Kiss more. Even a hand on the back says “I’m here.”

These are the drops of water that make love grow.

Challenge: Focus on the Good (For Real)

For the next 24 hours, focus only on the good in your partner. Notice the little things they do right. Say thank you. Write a short note or send a sweet text.

At the end of the day, ask yourself:
Did I feel more connected? Lighter? Hopeful?

If yes, try it again tomorrow.
And the next day.
Maybe even for 30 days.

Weed out the criticism. Water the good. Watch what grows. 🌼

Final Thought

Love isn’t something you find and keep on autopilot. It’s something you grow. And just like a garden, it takes light, intention, and patience.

So water, water, water.
Because what you water grows.

Healthy Relationships