6 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do”

Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is the rest of your life.

You’ve said “yes” to forever—congrats! But before you walk down the aisle, let’s talk about something that’s even more important than picking the perfect playlist or cake flavor: preparing for the actual marriage.

It’s no secret that marriage comes with challenges—especially in that first year. But it doesn’t have to be a disaster zone of unmet expectations and stress. Research shows that couples who go through premarital counseling are nearly 50% more likely to have a strong, lasting marriage. Why? Because they take time to ask the right questions before saying “I do.”

Whether you’re engaged, seriously dating, or just starting to talk about the future, here are six must-have conversations to help you build a solid foundation for love that lasts.

1. How will we divide household responsibilities?

This one might sound simple, but it’s one of the top sources of relationship conflict. Are you expecting to split things 50/50? Will one of you stay home with future kids while the other works full-time? What chores drive you crazy, and which ones do you not mind doing?

👉 Try this: Talk about how chores were divided in your families growing up. What do you want to repeat—or avoid?

2. How do we each handle conflict—and what do we want to do differently?

Some of us grew up in homes where yelling was normal. Others avoided conflict like the plague. Your past shapes your default settings—but your future is something you can choose together.

Understanding each other’s conflict styles helps you fight fair, not dirty. The goal isn’t to eliminate disagreements but to manage them with love and respect.

👉 Try this: Share one thing your family did during conflict that worked—and one thing you want to do differently in your marriage.

3. How will we handle money?

Money touches everything: lifestyle, goals, stress levels, even sex. Whether you’re a spender, saver, or somewhere in between, it’s crucial to talk finances before marriage.

Do you want joint accounts? Separate ones? A mix of both? How do you feel about debt, budgeting, or big purchases? This is about aligning values, not just comparing bank balances.

👉 Try this: Each write down your top three money priorities (like travel, security, generosity, etc.) and compare your lists.

4. What boundaries or “rules” do we want in our marriage?

Every strong relationship has clear boundaries—think of them as guardrails that protect your connection. Will you go to bed angry or not? Is it okay to vent about your spouse to friends or family?

Boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about clarity and respect.

👉 Try this: Make a list of “relationship rules” you both feel good about. Example: “We’ll always greet each other with a hug, even on tough days.”

5. Do we want kids? If yes, how will we raise them?

This is one of the biggest decisions you’ll make as a couple. Don’t assume you’re on the same page—talk openly about whether you want kids, when, and how you want to parent.

What values matter most to you? How were you disciplined growing up? How do you feel about screen time, school, or religion?

👉 Try this: Each write a short “parenting mission statement” and compare. Where do you align? Where do you need to compromise?

6. What are our expectations around sex and intimacy?

Let’s be real: sex is a big part of most romantic relationships—and often, people come into marriage with very different ideas of what’s “normal.” Do you expect sex every day, once a week, or a few times a month? What makes you feel emotionally connected? Are there concerns you’ve been afraid to share?

This can be a vulnerable conversation, but it’s essential for long-term connection and satisfaction.

👉 Try this: Set aside time to talk openly about your sexual expectations, fears, and desires. It’s okay to be awkward—what matters is that you’re honest.

Bottom Line: Prepare for Your Marriage, Not Just the Wedding

The dress, the party, the photos—they’ll all fade. But your marriage is the real adventure. These six questions aren’t meant to scare you—they’re here to help you grow, connect, and thrive as a team.

Want a strong start to your forever? Invest in real conversations now.