How to Stand in Love—So You Don’t Fall Out of It
Ever heard someone say, “We just fell out of love”? It’s a common phrase—but what if love isn’t something we “fall” into or out of? What if it’s something we stand in?
Think about it: You rarely hear a parent say, “I love my child, but I’m just not in love with them anymore.” That’s because lasting love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a choice. A mindset. A practice.
Especially in romantic relationships, where passion can fade and life gets messy, learning how to stand in love is what keeps love alive.
The Science of Lasting Love
Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a leading researcher on positive emotions, says love isn’t just a warm fuzzy feeling—it’s a biological connection she calls positivity resonance. It’s that spark you feel in moments of genuine connection.
Her research shows that love can grow when two people create small, consistent moments of warmth and responsiveness. These “micro-moments” of love are where the magic happens.
So, instead of waiting to fall in love again, what if you practiced standing in it—every single day?
Here are three science-backed ways to do just that:
1. Stand in Positivity
Want to feel more love? Start by bringing more positivity into your relationship. This doesn’t mean fake smiles or toxic positivity. It’s about real, consistent, uplifting energy—even in small doses.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman famously found that it takes five positive interactions to counteract just one negative one in a romantic relationship. Whether that’s a compliment, a laugh, a shared moment of gratitude, or a simple “thank you,” these moments build up your emotional bank account.
💡 Try this: Think about how you show up in your relationship. Do you bring warmth, laughter, support, and appreciation? Choose one small way to bring more positivity to your partner today. It could be as simple as a hug, a funny text, or a kind word.
2. Stand in Synchrony
We’re wired to connect. Literally. Through something called mirror neurons, our brains sync up with the people we’re close to—emotionally and physically.
Ever noticed how you start tearing up when someone else cries? Or how you lean in when someone shares a secret? That’s synchrony in action.
But here’s the thing: You have to make space for it.
In our hyper-distracted world, it's easy to be in the same room but totally disconnected. Standing in synchrony means giving your partner your full attention—no screens, no half-listening, no multitasking.
💡 Try this: Turn off your phone, look your partner in the eye, and have a real conversation. Ask a thoughtful question. Listen without interrupting. The more you practice tuning in, the more in sync you’ll feel.
3. Stand in Charity
This one’s big. Standing in charity means putting your partner’s well-being at the top of your priority list—not out of obligation, but out of love.
It’s doing the kind thing, even when it’s inconvenient. It’s choosing empathy over defensiveness. It’s asking yourself, “What does my partner need from me right now?”—and doing it without keeping score.
When you show up with charity, you build trust. You create emotional safety. And that’s the foundation of a love that lasts.
💡 Try this: What’s one small way you can serve your partner today? Maybe it’s doing a chore they hate, offering a sincere apology, or simply listening with empathy. These acts of charity make love feel secure.
The Bottom Line: Love Is a Verb
Love isn’t something that just happens to you—it’s something you build. If you want a relationship that lasts, you have to actively stand in love.
So today, take a moment to ask yourself:
How can I bring more positivity to my relationship?
How can I be more in sync with my partner?
How can I show charity—generous, selfless love—today?
💬 Because when you choose to stand in love, you build something stronger than a feeling. You build something that lasts.