Marriage Communication 101: Be the Hero in Your Relationship Story
🎬 Picture this: You’re watching your favorite show. You laugh, you cry, and you root for the hero. You love them not because they’re perfect—but because they’re real. Flawed, but trying. Honest, but evolving.
Here’s the twist: You’re the main character of your own story. And in your relationship? You have a choice. You can be the hero, the side character, or the villain. The question is: Which role are you playing right now?
Why We Love Stories (and What That Has to Do with Your Relationship)
From epic dramas to binge-worthy rom-coms, we connect with characters who reflect the ups and downs of real life. They mess up, they grow, and they make us feel less alone in our own journey. The same is true in relationships.
Healthy communication isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being real—stepping up, showing up, and learning how to connect, even when it’s hard.
The Four Relationship Roles: Which One Are You Playing?
You weren’t born with a script—but you were shaped by past experiences. Sometimes, we fall into roles that feel safe, even if they sabotage connection. Here are four common roles people play in relationships:
💔 The Victim
You might default to this role if you tend to feel helpless, look for pity, or rely on guilt to get your needs met. Your lines? “No one ever helps me” or “I guess I don’t matter.”
The risk? You end up feeling stuck and misunderstood, even when people are trying to connect.
🧨 The Villain
This role seeks control. You lash out or use sarcasm to hurt before you can be hurt. It’s easier to push people away than risk being vulnerable.
The risk? You gain power but lose connection.
🛟 The Rescuer
You sacrifice yourself to save others, often creating unhealthy codependence. You feel responsible for everyone’s happiness but forget your own.
The risk? You burn out—and people lean on you instead of growing themselves.
🌟 The Hero (aka Main Character Energy)
You lead with compassion, take responsibility for your impact, and speak honestly. You know you’re not perfect, but you’re willing to grow. You lift others and yourself.
The benefit? Real intimacy, trust, and connection—without losing yourself.
You Can Change the Script
These roles aren’t permanent. They’re patterns—and patterns can change. When you learn to shift your role, you start turning conflict into connection and disconnection into deeper love.
🎭 Start With Self-Awareness
Ask yourself:
How do I usually get my needs met—through kindness or guilt? Honesty or hints?
Do I listen to understand, or just to respond?
Am I showing up the way I’d want someone to show up for me?
👀 Pay Attention to Others
Watch how people you admire communicate. Are they direct? Do they speak with kindness? Do they take responsibility for their words? Start modeling the behaviors you respect.
🗣 Be Real with Your Partner
Say something like: “I’ve been thinking about how I communicate. I want to get better at it, and I’d love your support while I figure it out.” Owning your growth is powerful—and attractive.
📚 Learn the Language of Love and Growth
Here are a few powerful resources to deepen your understanding of healthy communication, emotional patterns, and connection:
Games People Play by Eric Berne
Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson
A General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini & Richard Lannon
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
🎵 “East” by Sleeping at Last (a beautiful reminder to reclaim your role in your own life)
You Get to Choose Your Role
You can’t control the whole story, but you can choose how you show up in it. Being the hero in your relationship doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being present. Honest. Willing to change.
So ask yourself:
👉 Am I playing a role that creates trust, or destroys it?
👉 Do I connect through courage—or protect through control?
👉 What kind of love story am I writing?
Your relationship is your co-written script—and every day is a new page. Choose your words. Choose your role. Be the hero.