The Easiest Way to Improve Your Relationship (That You're Probably Overlooking)
Let’s be real—there’s so much relationship advice out there it can make your head spin. "Communicate better." "Put each other first." "Don't go to bed angry." Honestly? Those are great in theory, but they can feel super vague—especially if you're in the early years of marriage or just figuring things out with your partner.
But here’s some good news: there’s one ridiculously simple, research-backed habit that can actually make your relationship stronger starting today.
💡It's called turning toward your partner’s bids for connection.
Wait—what’s a bid for connection?
Basically, it’s any little attempt your partner makes to get your attention, show they care, or invite you into a moment with them. Think of it as their way of saying, “Hey, I want to connect with you,” even if they don’t use those exact words.
Bids for Connection Can Be:
Verbal:
“You won’t believe what happened at work.”
“Can you come sit by me?”
“Look at this hilarious meme!”
Nonverbal:
A long sigh
A wink
Reaching out to hold your hand
Just standing near you hoping you’ll notice
John Gottman (the relationship science guy who's basically the GOAT of marriage research) found that how we respond to these bids is one of the biggest predictors of a happy, lasting relationship.
You Have Three Options:
Let’s say your partner sighs while scrolling through their phone. You could…
Turn Toward (✅ The best choice):
“Hey, are you okay?”
Give them a quick hug or put your hand on their back.
You’re showing up, being present, and letting them know you care.
Turn Away (⚠️ Not great):
Pretend you didn’t hear it.
Keep scrolling or typing.
Basically...ignore them.
Turn Against (❌ Major nope):
“You’re always so dramatic.”
“Do you have to sigh like that every five minutes?”
These responses shut down connection and create distance.
Why This Tiny Thing Matters So Much
Turning toward your partner may seem like a small act, but it’s a huge deal. It builds emotional trust, boosts intimacy, and creates a vibe where you both feel seen and safe. Over time, those small moments stack up and help protect your relationship from burnout, disconnection, and resentment.
In fact, couples who consistently turn toward each other in small ways are way more likely to stay together long-term and report higher relationship satisfaction.
Okay, So How Do I Actually Do This?
Start by noticing. That’s it.
Pay attention to the little ways your partner tries to connect throughout the day. When they speak, joke, sigh, smile at you, or ask a random question, that might be a bid. You don’t have to drop everything every time—but respond with intention. Look up, smile, engage. Even a “That’s wild—tell me more” goes a long way.
🌟Pro tip: This works with everyone—not just your romantic partner. Friends, coworkers, roommates, even strangers. People crave connection. Responding to bids is a way of saying, “I see you. You matter.”
Want to Learn More?
📺 Watch This Quick Video
What Are Emotional Bids?
📚 Read These Articles
Final Thought 💬
Improving your relationship doesn’t have to mean grand gestures or couple’s therapy (although those can be great too). Sometimes, the biggest shifts start with the smallest actions—like simply turning toward each other in life’s everyday moments.
So, the next time your partner says, “Hey, look at this!” or reaches out for your hand—lean in. Turn toward. Connect. That’s where the magic begins.