Military Marriage Tips: 6 Ways to Keep Love Strong During Deployments & Big Life Changes
If you’re part of a military couple, you’ve probably heard this gem of advice before:
“The only constant in military life is change.”
Yep—whether it’s PCS orders, deployments, last-minute trainings, or a surprise weekend drill, military life doesn’t wait for you to feel “ready.” It can be exciting, meaningful, and packed with purpose—but it also throws your routines, emotions, and relationship into a whirlwind.
So how do you stay grounded and stay connected through it all? Whether you’re dating, newly married, or a few years into military life, these 6 research-backed strategies can help your relationship thrive through the toughest transitions.
1. Build a Solid Foundation Before the Storm
Think of your relationship like a military-grade tent—it’s not built during the storm; it’s built before. Research shows that couples who have a strong, secure connection before a deployment or big transition tend to weather the challenges much better.
That means putting in the effort consistently—talking things out, prioritizing each other, making time for connection—even when life is calm. Build that emotional muscle memory now so it can carry you later.
💡Pro Tip: Do weekly relationship check-ins to share what’s working, what’s not, and how you’re each really doing emotionally. Make this a routine, not a crisis-mode event.
2. Keep Traditions (Even Tiny Ones) Alive
When everything around you feels unpredictable, even the smallest rituals can feel like anchors. Whether it’s Friday night pizza, morning texts, or Sunday phone calls—these traditions create comfort and emotional stability.
Even when your partner’s away, keep the routine going. If you always do movie night together, press play at the same time while video chatting. If you usually take a nightly walk, send a pic from your route or talk while you stroll. These little rituals signal: We’re still in this together.
3. Prioritize Safe, Honest Communication
Military life can stir up some heavy emotions: fear, anxiety, loneliness, even resentment. And those feelings are valid. But bottling them up? Not helpful.
Whether you're the one deploying or staying home, keep communication honest and supportive—not defensive or dismissive. Share what you’re feeling, ask open questions, and create space for your partner to do the same. The goal isn’t to “fix” everything—it’s to feel heard and connected.
🧠Mindset Shift: Communication isn’t just for problem-solving. It’s about being each other’s safe space.
4. Create a Shared Calendar (and Actually Use It)
A simple but powerful move: build a shared calendar. Add in drills, deployments, training dates, work travel, visits, childcare schedules—anything that affects both of you.
This does two things:
Reduces surprises (a HUGE win in military life).
Gives you time to mentally and emotionally prepare for changes.
If you’ve got kids, include them in age-appropriate ways. Give them a visual countdown or use stickers to mark important dates.
5. Know Your Benefits—And Your Budget
Let’s be real: military finances can be confusing. Between pay changes, housing allowances, healthcare shifts, and deployment perks, it’s a lot to track. But understanding your benefits = less stress, more security.
Make sure you:
Know what your healthcare covers (and doesn’t).
Track changes to pay and housing when orders shift.
Budget ahead for unexpected costs.
Bonus: Sit down together and set shared financial goals. Whether it’s paying off debt, saving for a trip, or investing in your future, dreaming together brings you closer.
6. Stay Emotionally Connected—Even When You’re Miles Apart
When communication is spotty—or nonexistent for a while—it can be hard not to feel distant or disconnected. But staying emotionally present for your partner, even when you’re apart, makes a huge difference.
Try this:
Write letters (yes, old-school style!).
Send short voice memos when you can’t text.
Use a shared journal to jot down thoughts to exchange later.
Send photos or “thinking of you” messages on tough days.
Some couples even use tech-y tools like paired bracelets or apps that share digital heartbeats or simple taps across distances. The key? Let your partner know they’re still your person—even in silence.
Final Thoughts: Marriage + Military = Worth the Work
Military life isn’t for the faint of heart—but neither is a committed, long-term relationship. The good news? You’ve already chosen both. 💪
With the right strategies, support, and shared effort, your relationship can thrive—even in the face of unpredictability. So make space for honest conversations, prioritize rituals, and protect your connection like the valuable asset it is.
Your marriage (or relationship) can be your anchor through the chaos. Keep showing up. Keep loving well. You’ve got this.